“You can love completely without complete understanding.”
So I’ve been thinking a lot about the quote we discussed in class today. Thinking about the way it relates to my own life, I’m starting to notice which people in my life this holds true for. My mom, my dad, sister, brother, cousins, etc. Then I started to notice that these people all had something in common. The only people I think that this applies to is my family. I’m not sure why. However, I do know that it didn’t always used to be like that.
There used to be a time where I would always forgive friends and others for what they did. Although some may call it letting people “walk all over me” I thought of it as just being a caring person. No matter what anyone did, I would forgive them, as I knew that if I ever made a mistake, I would want others to forgive me in the same way as well. I thought it was a good way to lead life.
It wasn’t until later in life that I discovered that the person getting hurt in the long run with this kind of thinking, is me. Yes, I thought that forgiving people was just a part of life. However, what about a second time? A third time? A sixth? It seemed as though the same people were hurting me over and over and I couldn’t take it anymore. I cut out all the people that just didn’t make me feel good about myself. I thought that maybe I was acting a little harsh, but I needed to do what was best for me.
So, why doesn’t this thinking apply to family for me? The answer: I’m not sure. I feel like maybe its because I’ve always been taught that I HAVE to love family, no matter what. This sense of obligation was always there. Somehow I just feel like I get to chose my friends, but family is what I was stuck with, and will always be stuck with. My parents would frequently tell my brother, sister, and me that we must always stick together, no matter what happens.
In A River Runs Through It, Norman loves his brother unconditionally. It’s something that I admire and that is an important part of the novel. Paul repeatedly got himself into trouble with gambling, however Norman just kept on loving him and kept trying to help him. He didn’t understand why Paul was doing what he did, but he accepted it. Because of this, I just can’t help but think how the movie would have been like if Norman and Paul were just friends. Although it may have still had the same effect for people, I don’t think it would have for me. Maybe I would have taken pity on Norman because of his attachment to Paul.
People have different opinions on who's worthy of their love and who isn’t. I think I’m happy with my decisions. Who knows if that may change in the future.
I loved reading your thoughts about this passage! Family is an amazing thing. I was literally just thinking about writing my next blog post about the miracles of family. I think you hit on something big when you said that you HAVE to love family. It's true! And I'm glad it's true because family shapes you and makes you the person you are- it is an amazing and unmatchable support system.
ReplyDeleteI firmly believe in the quote that says, "Friends are the family that you get to choose." To me, that is so true. Who you choose to be friends with is a critical part of who you are and it is completely up to you.
Forgiving and forgetting is part of life, but I think that you have to simply follow your heart, even if it is hard.
This is a most thoughtful and sensitive post. Thanks of reflecting and sharing. I think we have to carefully consider who we love and why.
ReplyDeleteYour insight on this topic was very interesting. I love that your parents say you and your siblings must stick together, no matter what happens. This is exactly what my parents would tell my sisters and I. I think family is such a precious thing. We do get to choose who we are friends with, who we interact with, and who we spend most of our time with- especially at college! But family is who we are born with and I firmly agree that we have to love our family. Although we may not agree with some of their decisions, family is something that is always there.
ReplyDeleteI also can relate significantly with your forgiveness in earlier years. I used to always forgive, never realizing that it was okay to not. Of course, forgiving is showing grace which is incredibly important. But when I realized that it was okay to not be friends with someone and not be liked, I began to develop more intimate relationships with those that are my true friends and wouldn't "walk all over me." You did a nice job expressing your life and giving a glimpse into the way you were raised and I enjoyed that, seeing I was raised very similarly!
This is beautiful because it's so true. I often lack patience with peers but find myself constantly accepting family members' shortcomings and I'm not exactly sure why either, but if I had to guess I think it's because my family members are the ones who taught me what love should look like. I've given my parents more than enough reason for disappointment but they still love and forgive me, which is something that I've come to reciprocate now that I'm at an age where I realize my parents aren't perfect and don't always make the right decisions. But I'm not really sure where that love my parents originally showed me came from. I guess it's knowing that there's a human on earth that you're responsible for creating and raising, which is the most daunting task I can imagine.
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